You know what makes a mom feel like a piece of shit? My son’s birthday is tomorrow. He will be 10 this year. Never have I let my any of my sons down for any holiday. This one I have come up real short. I feel that I have let them all down, whether they know it or not. I always had to do everything last minute. Something always came to save the day. My kids never really had much. I did provide and get them at least one thing that they wanted. Christmas was always a hard one to manage, especially when they got older. Things got more expensive, and always included electronics.
Well, this year, my youngest I had to tell a lie to. I told him that we weren’t going to do presents for his birthday, that is a day through the week that we would wait till the weekend to do presents. Man makes me feel like shit that I had to tell him a lie like that cause the truth is, I just don’t have the money at this moment. Honest I have $2.13 in my account. Guess what he wants…... the only thing he asks for…. That Nintendo switch game. Makes me so mad every time I think about that damn system.
How unfair it was that ex wasn’t made to return his game system. Because the ex-had provided him with a cheap ass system to play games on, she ruled in his favor. We not him or I, bought that off the man he dealt pot with for 20 bucks. It came with Zelda and fortnight. For Christmas Santa gave him games he never got to even open to play. Instead, when we got the game was made to believe it was his and took it away for bad behavior. I get it, it was something he wanted to work on to get back. But my son wasn’t given the chance to earn it back. He played it in front of him and my son I think got to play it twice. Then when the ex-left, he took with him as well as the furniture and appliances that game he had no use for. Now who that hurt? Like he deserved it.
There is an order of protection, and I probably shouldn’t have even bothered, but I got a hold of him on messenger and left voice clips of how I felt about it and how my son felt. And he sent back this.
He was man enough to step in my shoes you two take care of everything.
Then he also sent a picture of me and the man I call the master of memories. Which just let me knows he stalks my page, and these blogs are the only thing he must know what I am doing or thinking. So, when, if or is shown these. I hope he feels like a good fella. He only cares for himself of course, if not, he would feel a way of shame for what he has done. Special thanks to one of my best friends who
made it possible for us to help get by for the week and was able to get him a game for the iPad Santa got him for Christmas. So, I’m feeling not as bad. We today got to pick out his birthday cake for this weekend. This will be the first time he will have friends over for his birthday rather than mama’s and papaws for his day.
I’m sort of glad we aren’t doing it at my mom's this year, and the reason other than we celebrated his birthday at their house when we did Christmas. Not to mention that I did ask her to please loan me $300 for him for the system he wants. she told me that pop says it wasn’t a good time. I was so shocked and hurt. Said he had enough given to him that I shouldn’t worry about getting him anything seeing how he got so much the other day. I won't lie it hurt me a little bit. I shouldn’t be surprised. Don’t think me ungrateful because they do a lot for me like pay the bills and allow me to just to pay it with rent. I only must pay for the trash and electricity, so like I said, I shouldn’t even feel hurt, I guess.
I will tell you what hurt a little is today and for the last few days have delt with a lot of seizors this week. Like today, I had one this morning before I dropped Mr. Memories off for work. I drove to my friend and babysitter’s house. Needless to say, I made it there but don’t know how? I don’t even remember how I got there. Actually, I don’t know that I remember the whole day. I slept for the day and so very tired today as well as right now. I am typing with my eyes shut. I can’t even finish all I want to say, let alone keep open my eyes.
So, here is where I will leave it tonight. Like I said, I haven’t written anything for a few days it feels like. The fits are why. Like it matters anyway, I think I am the only one who goes and reads my stuff. Lol that’s cool too. I do this for me anyway and am grateful if someone takes from my stories and it help them not be alone in the world feeling a certain way.
Good night and God bless!
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