Today started like any other day, routine type of thing. Well, I ended up on snapchat going through stories that I had not watched to catch myself up on what has been going on with others. Well, I came across a post of my younger two boys’ father has proposed to his girlfriend of 9 months. I was blown away, broken. I guess you could say that I do still care about him and want him happy, but I do have my own concerns. First, she has threatened to man handle my son who is five right in front of me. I know that it might not have come from an ill intended place, however it is scary. What would she do if she is alone with my children?
The father and his girlfriend live at his mom and dad’s home, and I feel safe with my children being there, what about when they get their own place?! I know that things aren’t easy when parents aren’t together. I know that some of my worry could be coming from a different place. How is it a man can do for one woman that you BEGGED HIM to do for you as the mother of his children?! I just don’t get it. I know if you truly love someone you would do anything for them. Plus, not to toot my own horn, but I am much better looking than this woman he is now engaged to. I think personally they have no responsibility to the kids because his mom and dad take care of them, not them. I think they haven’t been slapped with a sense of reality of what it is being parents without having someone to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Is it wrong for me to feel the way I am feeling?
I get that my frustration may not be 100% the girlfriend’s fault, but shouldn’t it be that he puts those boundaries there? Maybe it’s all the lies he continued telling me the last 6 years, maybe it wasn’t real love on his end, but all one sided. I know what I deserve, but it still sucks being a single mom of four children, doing it alone, worrying about everything and everyone else but me. I will figure it out one day, but until then, I’ll continue working on me. My first and foremost always is my children being safe, regardless of everything, I will always protect my boys at all costs.
Signing off here,
Agnes
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